The Pale Blue Egg

1.) I just cut my hair for the first time. I used my kitchen scissors, the Chicago Cutlery ones I got last Black Friday at Walmart. They’re the sharpest ones I own. I didn’t even rinse them off before I put them back in their wooden block. I usually get the cheapest haircut I can find, almost always at Walmart, but funds are dwindling during my student teaching, and I’m too tired to drive all the way to walmart this morning. It’s been over a year since my last haircut. 2.) Connor sprained his ankle at the gym and spent more time looking up what kind of sprain he thinks it might be than doing the dishes. He finally got around to the dishes on Friday, but they’d been building up all week. The smell was unbearable, and I think the main culprit was the pan full of hamburger grease that’s been sitting undisturbed since Monday. 3.) Also due to Connor’s sprained ankle, which he only told me about later: the thing with the potato chip bag and the giant spider. It’s kind of like James an...

    I walked out of our apartment to find Connor with the thing in his hand, getting ready to cut into it underneath some poor, unsuspecting person’s window. I yelled at him: what are you doing? Get that away from the window! People are going to smell it. I made him follow me onto the lawn, as I carefully balanced my Captain America glass of water in one hand and tried not to put my sprained foot into one of those holes that just show up in the grass sometimes. It was twilight and getting darker by the second. He asked: you want me to come all the way out here? I responded: you don’t know anything. This was the culmination of a three hour fight about durian. He’d just gotten back from his parents house on the coast, and he’d spent the eight hour drive next to a cooler full of the smelliest fruit that I think exists in the world. He was so cute when he told me about it, like it was a surprise I would enjoy. I immediately yelled at him for bringing it n...